It’s not every day you get a chance to hear from an all-time great
If you’re in any kind of service business, I’m sure you get a lot of the same kinds of emails I do — free webinars that turn out to be thinly disguised sales pitches for something you probably don’t need.
But every now and then, one might actually be worth the time. I had the chance to watch one of those today. Unfortunately, I missed the invite and the show was over by the time I got back from lunch.
The webinar was hosted by Chris Voss, author of Never Split the Difference — one of the best negotiation books out there. If you can master even a few of his concepts, it’s like playing a completely different game than everyone else. In a good way.
And since basically everything in life involves negotiation, I’d say it’s worth learning.
You can buy it here on Amazon.
In the book, Voss talks a lot about empathy — a word that’s commonly misunderstood. Most people confuse it with sympathy.
According to Voss, empathy is the understanding of another person’s world — without judging, and without necessarily agreeing.
You know you’ve hit that point when you can explain their position back to them and they say, “That’s right.”
(Not “you’re right,” but “that’s right.”)
That’s when the light turns green for real progress. Until then, a negotiation is just two people talking past each other and trying to convince one another.
So if I already know all this, why am I so annoyed about missing the webinar?
Because the guest was Daryl Davis.
He’s a blues musician, author, and actor — but also one of the greatest negotiators alive, even if not in a business sense.
There’s a documentary about him called Accidental Courtesy: Daryl Davis, Race & America. You can find it on YouTube (at least you could this morning). I highly recommend it.
The movie tells how Davis — a black man — has personally convinced hundreds of Ku Klux Klan members to leave the organization. Many of them even gave him their robes when they quit.
He’s got a closet full of them.
Davis accomplished all this using empathy. Not agreement, not argument — understanding.
If empathy can do that, I think it’s fair to say it might help you in whatever it is you’re doing — business, family, or real estate.
So yeah, I’m sorry I missed it. I’m sure I would’ve learned something new, and it would’ve been an honor to ask him a question. Maybe I’ll get another chance.
Until then, I’ll reread Voss’s book (again). I get something different out of it every time.
Would it be a terrible idea to improve your negotiating skills — and your life?
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