You can’t reject someone who doesn’t need you.
Most people hate rejection. It feels personal. Like somebody slammed a door in your face.
That’s because most people approach rejection with neediness. They think they have to win over this client, or get that deal, or land that one opportunity. When you need a specific outcome, rejection feels like failure.
But that’s the wrong lens.
Rejection is a filter. It’s not an insult or a loss — it’s information. It tells you who’s not a fit so you don’t waste more time.
An example from just last week. Through my direct mail program, I’d been working with a lady who owned a lot she wanted to sell. We had been in contact for quite awhile — years, actually. The first time she thought she might be ready, she ended up needing to wait. She circled back a few months ago, got tied up again, and was finally ready to move forward.
I sent her all the documents to review, which is when it went sideways. The documents were too long (same ones everyone uses), costs were too high, price needed to be higher, and so on. Then she texted and said she wasn’t going forward. Maybe it was an attempt to get me to reduce my fee — I don’t know. But my response was simple: “OK! Good luck!”
She may think she rejected me, but she really just filtered herself out. Truth is, I had basically decided to get away from it anyway before she pulled the plug. My time is valuable, and I only want to work with the best clients — not flakes. So I didn’t lose anything.
To be my client, you’ve gotta meet the standard. She didn’t.
Jim Camp, in Start With No, calls neediness the killer. And he’s right. If you walk into a negotiation thinking “I have to get this person to say yes,” you’ve already surrendered your leverage. Because the other side can smell neediness. They know you’ll bend to keep the deal alive.
The truth is I need clients and transactions, sure. That’s the business.
But I don’t need any one particular client or transaction.
If you say no, you haven’t rejected me — you’ve just put yourself on the “not a fit” side of the filter.
And that’s a good thing. Every time the wrong person filters out, I have more space for the right person.
Think about it in everyday terms. When you shop for a truck, you don’t test drive one, decide it doesn’t suit you, and call it a personal failure. You just learned that wasn’t the one. Same with hiring an employee. Or a real estate broker. The whole point is to sort out what doesn’t work so you can find what does.
And when you do find the right truck (or whatever else), you don’t get needy then either. It’s fine to want it, but you don’t need it. There are other trucks. Odds are you’ll find one you like just as much — if not better — pretty quick.
That’s what rejection does. It’s not failure. It’s the process working.
So when someone says no to me, I don’t take it personally.
I don’t need them. I need the right people.
And if I’m willing to let the wrong ones pass by, I’ll find the right ones a whole lot faster.
That’s the filter. And once you see rejection that way, it stops having power over you.
Maybe you understand why I don’t deal in pressure now. If I’ve done it right and it’s a fit, you’ll come find me when it’s time.
But how do you know it’s time if you don’t reach out and let me give you current market info?
Is there ever a bad time to know where things stand regarding your property’s value?
When you’re ready, click below.
PS- I read Start With No at least once a year, it’s that good. Once you realize negotiation is a part of almost everything in life, you know that if you improve that skill you improve everything.
(Yes, I’ll get a small commission if you use that link, but it doesn’t change your price.)
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