Take a breath, and avoid sabotaging yourself.
I once had a client who went under contract with a developer on what was clearly a longshot deal. The payout would’ve been huge — if it closed.
Before signing, I told him several times: this is a 50/50 shot at best.
Don’t start spending the money in your head. Don’t even plan on it closing. If it happens, great — but don’t count on it.
At first, he took that to heart. But as the process dragged on, he started asking me if maybe it might even close early.
I warned him again, but he couldn’t help it. He was already counting chickens.
Then came the dreaded call from the buyer: “The city killed my deal.”
My client was furious. And instead of just taking the loss in stride, he reacted. He got so angry that the buyer wanted nothing more to do with the property — or with us.
He slammed the door on what could have been a future opportunity, all because his emotions got the better of him.
Just another example of an important negotiating principle: the danger usually isn’t what the other party does. It’s how you react and whether you control yourself correctly.
Real estate deals can be emotional — especially when the numbers are big or the stakes are personal.
But reacting in the heat of the moment almost always makes things worse. Responding, on the other hand, keeps you in control.
When someone doesn’t do what you think they should, remember: they’re probably doing exactly what they said they would. It’s in the contract.
Option periods, title contingencies, financing clauses — all those timelines and outs are there for a reason. Buyers don’t sign contracts because they don’t want to buy. They sign them because they want the right to find out if they can.
If they discover something that makes the deal fall apart, you’ve just learned something valuable about your property — at no cost to you.
If they ask for more time or a price change, don’t take it personally. That’s not an insult. It’s a negotiation. You can say yes or no. Either way, you’re still in control.
The moment you start taking things personally, you lose perspective — and sometimes, the deal.
The best negotiators don’t stay calm because they’re detached. They stay calm because they know the rules of the game. They read the contract. They act in their own best interest, and they expect others to do the same.
And when you understand that, it gets a whole lot easier to respond — not react.
****PS – Learning to control yourself is one of the best ways to improve your negotiating outcomes. It’s not about intimidation or chicanery, it’s about following your system. Principles above tactics. The best negotiating book I know of is Jim Camp’s Start With No. I read it once a year, when you understand the system it feels like you’re playing another game entirely.
Unless your counterpart is using the system too, in which case things get exponentially easier for your both.
(If that wasn’t the case, would I be telling you about it?)
Is there any part of your life that wouldn’t improve with better negotiating skills?
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