Mike Browning

Tag: persuasion

  • “You’re Right”

    “You’re Right”

    I don’t mean it.

    I’ve said it plenty of times and almost never meant it.

    Usually I’m on the wrong side of a desk somewhere. Buying a vehicle and sitting through the extended warranty pitch. Standing in a furniture store while somebody walks me through the protection plan…the one that covers everything except whatever eventually happens to it.

    I’ve already decided. I’m not doing it. Decided a while back, quietly, and now I’m just looking for a clean way out of the conversation.

    And the man keeps going. He’s got reasons. Some of them are decent reasons.

    So I tell him he’s right.

    Not because he moved me. Because I want it to be over.

    Then I read Never Split the Difference and found out that’s a known thing, and that it has a matching pair.

    Chris Voss says “you’re right” is the one you don’t want. When somebody hands you that, you’ve lost them. They’ve stopped arguing, they’d like you to stop talking, and nothing has changed except they’re now looking for the door.

    What you want to hear is “that’s right.”

    One word different. Opposite meanings. “That’s right” comes out of somebody when you’ve just described their own situation back to them better than they’d have put it themselves. It isn’t agreement with your argument. It’s recognition. And you only get there by shutting up long enough to have actually listened.

    Once you know the difference you start hearing it everywhere. My wife. My kids. Anybody who’s ever wrapped up a conversation with me a little earlier than I expected.

    The catch is you have to give up being the smartest man in the room to get there. You don’t get to lead with what you know, which is generally the whole reason you opened your mouth. Most people can’t stand that. Which is exactly why it keeps working for the ones who can.

    I still tell the warranty guy he’s right. Some things you don’t fix.

    But I quit taking it as a compliment when somebody says it to me.

    Never Split the Difference is full of these. Small distinctions that sound like nothing until you catch one happening to you in real time.

    Get it Here

    PS- That link goes through Amazon, and I’m an affiliate. Doesn’t cost you a dime more, but if you click through and buy the book, or anything else while you’re there, I get a small commission.

  • Shouldn’t This Be Kept Secret?

    Shouldn’t This Be Kept Secret?

    The answer may surprise you.

    I’ve been writing the last few weeks about Jim Camp’s negotiation masterpiece, Start With No. Along with occasionally trying to talk you into buying a copy and reading it yourself.

    Thanks to those who bought through my link. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. If anything, you’ll probably be surprised how quickly you start seeing opportunities to apply the basics.

    One question comes up pretty often when people hear about systems like this.

    If it’s really that effective, why would you tell anyone about it?

    Wouldn’t you be better off keeping it to yourself?

    It’s a fair question.

    Camp actually addresses it in the book. He said he wished more of his counterparts used the same system he did. Negotiations would be smoother, less emotional, and far more productive.

    Instead of spending days playing games, the cards would get on the table faster. You’d either make the right deal sooner or discover there was never a deal to be made in the first place.

    Both outcomes are wins.

    Obviously getting an agreement is great. But finding out in a day that there’s no deal instead of spending a week chasing one isn’t exactly a loss. It frees both sides to move on to something more productive.

    The difference comes down to principles versus tactics.

    If a finance manager at a car dealership has figured out a handful of tricks that pressure people into buying an overpriced warranty, he doesn’t want those tricks publicized. Once the person across the table understands the game, the game stops working.

    Tactics depend on the other side not knowing what’s happening.

    Principles don’t.

    If you’re asking honest questions, trying to understand what’s really going on, and looking for a deal that makes sense for everyone involved, it doesn’t hurt when the other side understands what you’re doing. In some cases it actually helps.

    Beyond that, I don’t spend much time worrying about other people learning what I know.

    Most people won’t put it into practice anyway.

    And the few who do often become easier to work with, not harder.

    One of the things I like most about Camp’s approach is that it removes much of the tension people normally associate with negotiation. Less pressure. Less posturing. Less pretending.

    Just figuring out whether there’s a deal to be had and, if so, what it looks like.

    Once you learn it, it really does feel like you’re playing a different game than before.

    In a good way.

    And since almost every situation you encounter involves negotiation, getting better at it is one of the highest-leverage investments you can make in yourself.

    It won’t happen overnight.

    But you’ll probably see results faster than you expect.

    Get It Here

    P.S. That link goes through Amazon and I’m an affiliate. It doesn’t cost you anything extra, but if you buy the book—or anything else while you’re there—I get a small commission.

  • My Wife Thought It Was Magic

    My Wife Thought It Was Magic

    And maybe it sort of was.

    Most people think negotiation is something that happens in land deals. Maybe car deals too.

    It’s not.

    Trying to get your kid to clean their room is negotiation. Deciding where to eat is negotiation. Getting time off work for an appointment is negotiation. Most of life is negotiation whether we realize it or not.

    Improving your negotiation skills is probably the most high leverage way to improve your life overall. It touches everything.

    Most people picture a great negotiator as the guy at the dealership. Pushy. A little slick. Leaning on pressure and urgency because that’s the only lever he knows how to pull.

    Sometimes that works.

    But ask yourself how you feel after most car-buying experiences. Even if you like the car, you’re often thinking, I’m never buying from that guy again.

    That’s the problem with pressure tactics. Even when they work, they burn bridges. You win the deal in front of you and lose the next ten.

    Jim Camp’s system from Start With No is different, though I wouldn’t call it the opposite of that. It’s not weak, and it’s not caving in to get to yes faster. Weak gets eaten alive by anyone with real leverage. What it does is take a lot of the tension out of the room without giving up your position. Deals close easier. People stay friendly afterward.

    Sometimes it works so well it’s almost unsettling.

    A while back my wife bought something online from a company that was very clear about its policy. No refunds. No exceptions.

    Naturally, the item broke almost immediately.

    She emailed them and got exactly the response you’d expect. They pointed to the policy and politely told her no.

    She was frustrated.

    I looked at the exchange, wrote a short response, and told her to send it. Maybe four sentences.

    She read it and said there was no way it would work, but she sent it anyway, and the refund was approved almost immediately.

    What amused me wasn’t the refund. It was what happened afterward.

    She looked at me suspiciously and asked:

    “Have you been using this on me?”

    I assured her I only use my powers for good.

    One of the reasons I like Jim Camp’s work is that his system doesn’t rely on pressure, clever arguments, or trying to talk circles around people. In fact, a lot of the time it involves talking less, not more.

    That’s harder than it sounds.

    If you’ve never read Start With No, it’s worth your time.

    Get it here

    P.S. The link goes through Amazon and I’m an affiliate. It doesn’t cost you anything extra, but if you buy the book (or anything else while you’re there), I get a small commission.