Tag: Leverage

  • No Wonder They Keep Losing

    No Wonder They Keep Losing

    Winning and then apologizing is one of the fastest ways to give power back.

    Last week I read an opinion piece in The Dallas Morning News that stuck with me.

    Not because of the policy details. If you know me, you know I don’t spend much time arguing minutiae like that. I have a business to run.

    What stood out was how it revealed a misunderstanding of power. Even by people who should know better.

    A local Republican official publicly criticized a Trump-era policy that affected his family. He framed it around service, loyalty, and merit. I don’t doubt his sincerity.

    But sincerity isn’t the issue.

    Posture is.

    The broader platform he’s distancing himself from just delivered real wins. Big ones. Not narrowly. Not accidentally. It won by drawing clear lines, showing contrast, and refusing to apologize for what it stood for.

    It won every battleground state. Donald Trump still finds a way to mention that in almost every media appearance.

    When you win, you gain leverage.

    What you do next matters.

    Running to a hostile audience after a victory to explain why your own side went too far isn’t nuance. It’s signaling. And it’s a bad signal.

    This isn’t really about immigration. Or about Trump. It’s about coalition math and basic negotiation reality.

    You don’t gain power by trying to reassure people who cannot, or will never, say yes to you.

    Urban Democrats aren’t waiting for Republicans to sound slightly less Republican so they can switch teams. Identity comes before policy. Always has.

    All this kind of signaling does is weaken trust with the people who actually might vote for you.

    Urban Republicans aren’t meaningfully more “moderate” than Republicans elsewhere. There are just fewer of them. That’s a numbers problem, not an ideology problem. And numbers don’t change when you blur contrast. They change when you give aligned voters a reason to show up.

    I see this same mistake in business often.

    A seller prices correctly, gets traction, then starts explaining themselves when someone objects. Serious buyers notice. Leverage erodes. The deal gets harder, not easier.

    Same pattern here.

    Minorities don’t gain power by dilution. They gain it through discipline.

    That means accepting that some people will never like you. It means being willing to irritate your opponents. And it means understanding that respect doesn’t come from apology tours.

    People don’t judge intent. They judge posture.

    When your first instinct after a win is to explain yourself to people who already oppose you, you aren’t broadening your coalition. You’re signaling that pressure works.

    And once you signal that, you invite more of it.

    Clarity beats comfort. Contrast beats consensus.

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  • Sound Good?  Keep Your Head On a Swivel

    Sound Good? Keep Your Head On a Swivel

    There are certain phrases that just scream “look out” as soon as you hear them.

    Most guys know that if a woman says “we need to talk,” it’s not an invitation to a discussion. You’re about to be told something—most likely about how you’re being a jerk.

    If someone shows up talking about “fairness?” It’s a pretty safe bet they aren’t about to start listing ways they can improve things for you.

    And if someone tells you “it’s not about the money?” Trust me, it’s about the money.

    If you’re perceptive, you’ve noticed that all three of those things usually come right before a negotiation of some sort.

    There’s another phrase that should set off the same alarm bells: Win/Win.

    For most people, that phrase conjures visions of cooperation, collaboration, and conviviality. But win/win usually isn’t the real goal of those who preach it.

    For a trained negotiator, it’s a tactic—a way to use your good nature (and your neediness) to skin you alive.

    They say win/win, but they mean win/lose. And they don’t intend to be on the losing side.

    What win/win really means in practice is: “I’m about to demand concessions from you and give little or nothing in return.”

    And if you complain afterward? They’ll tell you the deal was fair.

    After all, any agreement you voluntarily sign is technically win/win by definition.

    Negotiation is voluntary. Everyone has the right to say “no.” The fact that you didn’t means you saw yourself as better off with the deal.

    So technically, you “won.” Just not as much as they did.

    So what do you do about it?

    First, lose your neediness. In almost every case, you don’t need to make any particular deal. You may want to, but the sun will come up tomorrow either way.

    Don’t let your need for approval push you into doing things you don’t want to. If your counterpart’s a pro, they might act offended—but that’s just theater. People actually respect those who won’t be pushed around. Once you drop the neediness, everything changes overnight.

    Finally, learn to live in your adversary’s world. You don’t have to agree with their position, but you have to understand it and be able to explain it as well as they can. When you can describe their perspective and get back a calm “That’s right,” (not “You’re right”)—you’re ready to win for real.

    PS — I talk a lot here about how negotiation touches every part of life. It’s one of the biggest leverage points you can improve. Two of the best books I know on the subject are Start With No by Jim Camp and Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss.

    I recommend both, but you can start with either. You can buy them at the link below.

    Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. If you buy something—anything—after clicking that link, I may receive a small commission. It doesn’t change your price.