Trying to make the other guy see how great you are isn’t always the best strategy.
I told this story on here a while back, but a lot of you weren’t reading yet, and I think it’s worth revisiting.
Not long after the 2008 mortgage crisis, there were vacant lots everywhere and only a handful of buyers. I represented one of the few builders looking to acquire. We sat down with an investment group that was holding lots, to see if there was a fit.
Realistically, a deal probably wasn’t happening regardless. The timing was wrong, the housing type probably wasn’t a fit, and pricing for builders and sellers was miles apart.
But this meeting was doomed before anyone opened their mouth.
The guy leading the investors was sharp. Sharp enough that he couldn’t stand to let it go unnoticed.
Our builder’s CEO was the same. Two smart guys, both determined to be the one everybody left the room thinking about.
They weren’t negotiating so much as performing. The rest of us just sat there and watched until the end, then went on our way.
Not long after, my guy handed acquisitions to someone quieter and went back to running the company. Fifteen years on, that company is publicly traded, one of the biggest homebuilders in the country.
The other guy didn’t fare quite as well. Overconfidence turned into overleverage, and overleverage turned into prison.
He’s out now. I won’t be knocking down his door looking to do business again, although you never say never. As a broker you don’t always get to choose.
Jim Camp writes about “okayness” in Start With No. In any interaction, only one person gets to feel completely okay. Your job is making sure it’s the other guy.
(You can buy Start With No here)
If my client had just let the other man have his moment, instead of matching him move for move, it may have been different. Not that day, probably. The numbers were too far apart for that. But there’s a real chance we’re doing business with those investors again down the road, instead of never speaking to them again.
If you remember the old TV show Columbo, he solved every case for the same reason. He walked in looking rumpled and half a step behind, and the guilty party relaxed just enough to talk too much.
That’s the whole move. You don’t have to be less capable. You just have to stop trying to prove it so much.
I’ve watched it play out both ways enough times to trust it. The guy who needs the room to know he’s the smartest one in it almost always ends up negotiating against himself. The one who can let that go usually walks out with the better deal, and sometimes a second chance at one he didn’t get the first time.
Buy the book, and learn the system. It’s not hard and doesn’t require you to become some sort of master communicator or smooth talker (thank God).
PS- That link goes through Amazon, and I’m an affiliate. Doesn’t cost you a dime more, but if you click through and buy the book, or anything else while you’re there, I get a small commission.
