And maybe it sort of was.
Most people think negotiation is something that happens in land deals. Maybe car deals too.
It’s not.
Trying to get your kid to clean their room is negotiation. Deciding where to eat is negotiation. Getting time off work for an appointment is negotiation. Most of life is negotiation whether we realize it or not.
Improving your negotiation skills is probably the most high leverage way to improve your life overall. It touches everything.
Most people picture a great negotiator as the guy at the dealership. Pushy. A little slick. Leaning on pressure and urgency because that’s the only lever he knows how to pull.
Sometimes that works.
But ask yourself how you feel after most car-buying experiences. Even if you like the car, you’re often thinking, I’m never buying from that guy again.
That’s the problem with pressure tactics. Even when they work, they burn bridges. You win the deal in front of you and lose the next ten.
Jim Camp’s system from Start With No is different, though I wouldn’t call it the opposite of that. It’s not weak, and it’s not caving in to get to yes faster. Weak gets eaten alive by anyone with real leverage. What it does is take a lot of the tension out of the room without giving up your position. Deals close easier. People stay friendly afterward.
Sometimes it works so well it’s almost unsettling.
A while back my wife bought something online from a company that was very clear about its policy. No refunds. No exceptions.
Naturally, the item broke almost immediately.
She emailed them and got exactly the response you’d expect. They pointed to the policy and politely told her no.
She was frustrated.
I looked at the exchange, wrote a short response, and told her to send it. Maybe four sentences.
She read it and said there was no way it would work, but she sent it anyway, and the refund was approved almost immediately.
What amused me wasn’t the refund. It was what happened afterward.
She looked at me suspiciously and asked:
“Have you been using this on me?”
I assured her I only use my powers for good.
One of the reasons I like Jim Camp’s work is that his system doesn’t rely on pressure, clever arguments, or trying to talk circles around people. In fact, a lot of the time it involves talking less, not more.
That’s harder than it sounds.
If you’ve never read Start With No, it’s worth your time.
P.S. The link goes through Amazon and I’m an affiliate. It doesn’t cost you anything extra, but if you buy the book (or anything else while you’re there), I get a small commission.
